Changing the Conversation

...You
look at your face your face
is old but suffering is
older...

—Anne Carson, Red Doc >

The holidays are here again and so are all the articles about what to be thankful for, how to be thankful, the importance of being thankful. I am supposed to be thankful for the job I have (which I love), the winding path that got me here to a place where I am able to do work that I find so valuable. Which means I have to think about all the things that happened to me that put me here. I have to think about the things that were wonderful and the people who gave me so much to feel gratitude for—and I have to think about the people who took so much from me, and in such irreparable ways that I could not do this work without being able to source my passion from my hurt. But it also means that I have to acknowledge, again, the depth of that hurt.

We are all familiar with the huge emotional and physical tolls that men and women in abusive relationships face, but there’s another just as damaging aspect of intimate partner violence that is often underestimated and overlooked. Financial abuse/manipulation by an intimate partner not only reinforces the physical and emotional violence inflicted, but can add another layer. Combined, emotional, physical and financial abuse by an intimate partner is a triple threat that many men and women face on a daily basis.

Recently, I wrote for Threads about my experiences in medical settings in the post "Looking for the Borderline Patient."

I’ve been thinking about Gloria Dickerson’s Looking for the “Borderline Patient" post on t3Threads, and I can’t seem to get certain phrases out of my head. She describes her recent experience at an ER, and as a result of various preconceived notions and prejudices carried by her providers, she received subpar care. As she waited there, in the midst of her health crisis, she shared that, “All the appropriate words like ‘patient-centered care’ and ‘individualized-treatment’ waft like flimsy bubbles through the air. There is no substance, no actions, and no kindness to transform these words into reality.”